Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
