First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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