You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
