This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize