dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wanna passion pit in your ass
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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