Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
