...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
