.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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