I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
