please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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