you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
