I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
