you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize