In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
