Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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