Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
