I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My cat gives me a boner
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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