I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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