I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
