idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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