i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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