I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
