The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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