whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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