the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
