She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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