i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
