Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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