woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
