Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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