i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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