It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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