The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
