I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
third nipple confirmed
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
