The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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