the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
