put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
