i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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