She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize