So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
