I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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