wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
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