I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
