we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
