Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize