Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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