By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
