He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
