Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
