i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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