Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
people are starting to question the shark bite story
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Your penis caused this!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
