apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
