I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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