After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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