OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
