Im at strip club and am horny
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
