Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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