well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
