I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
