my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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