so explain again why im purple
no
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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