Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
