hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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