my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My bed smells like the plague
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
