Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
