as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
